Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
