after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
