How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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