During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
