I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
