she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have fence marks all over my body
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
