At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
