i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
