dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
