Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
