he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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