i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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