He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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