It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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