Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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