I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You dont lie about slip and slides
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
