you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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