brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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