Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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