The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
