Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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