i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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