i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
