That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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