we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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