So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
