Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
