i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
