I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
