I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
