Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
