dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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