i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
