I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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