You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
