I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
