Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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