Four minutes until I can fart!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
