dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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