You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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