I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
