he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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