My cat gives me a boner
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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