Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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