I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
