The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Say something about gay babies.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
