and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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