No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
