You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
