ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
