remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
