was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
