I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
